The Obligatory Retrospective

I've avoided subscribing to the seemingly typical "20XX was terrible, here's to hoping that 20XY is better" mentality as much as possible.  I think even during the transition of 2003 -- the year my father suddenly died -- to 2004, I either minimized it or at least was justified if I did succumb to that thinking.

Perhaps a bit overly optimistic, but I tended to latch onto the notion that the quality of a year is dependent upon perspective.  One could choose to focus solely on the challenges and trials, and when doing so, see the quantity of such negativity populating the year.  That would therefore make it very easy to write off the year as a terrible one, worthy of being forgotten.

Or, conversely, one could choose to focus solely on the rewards that came during the year, and therefore see the year as a success.  Maybe a bit too optimistic, and perhaps unrealistic because who truly has a perfect life?

Everyone has a blend of negative and positive aspects of their year.  In the words of one P. Rogers Nelson, "we have gathered here today to get through this thing called 'life.'" The quality of a year and how we view it is solely up to ourselves.  The year is what we make of it.

I don't think anybody would fault me for saying that 2013 was a pretty darn good year.  We welcomed our new daughter toward the end of the year, making Henry a big brother already.  I still have a job, I'm in pretty good health and take no medications, and my car still runs.

If I was to take that pessimistic "2013 sucked; here's to hoping that 2014 is better" track, I could latch onto the fact that 2013 was the year that both kids were diagnosed with Fragile X Syndrome, that Evie's early ultrasound showed a physical characteristic that was highly indicative of Down Syndrome.  That the pregnancy with Evie was not without its complications for Lori, or that Lori had to quit her job because paying for daycare for two children was going to cost about as much as she was making (and the implications that brings, of being a single-income household with two young children with special needs in today's economical environment).  That Henry's cognitive development is that of a 6 to 9 month old and he's at about 12 months in physical development when he's actually 18 months old.  That Henry could have died earlier in 2013 when he came down with H1N1 and pneumonia which put him in the hospital for four days, and that the bill for his care after insurance was around $5,000.

But that's not me.

First, I feel it unrealistic to hope that a new year is better than the previous.  A year is but a year.  It's a chronological series of events that neither hinders nor helps a person along in and of itself.  A year is not going to be better or worse in and of itself in response to my wishes in exclusion.

Second, I am not one to be satisfied in coasting along the timeline with the expectations that whatever happens was purely a result of external forces,  forces over which I have no control.  I think this in particular is the attitude that confounds me over that statement of "here's to hoping...." 

Don't hope.  Take.  Do.  Make happen.

Whether it's taking control or taking responsibility, I feel it less productive to hang back and wishing for success (whether out of some sense of helplessness or entitlement, I can't be sure which) as opposed to making it happen or at least weathering the storm by battening down your own proverbial hatches, then determining the next course of action.

So both kids have Fragile X Syndrome.  That might mean that Henry may not form coherent words until he's three years old, or that he may be diagnosed autistic in a little while, but so what?  What is going to change if I sit here and moan about it?  If I wallow in self-pity, the "why does this have to happen to meeeeeee?"  I'm certainly not going to be able to change his genes.

But it may also mean that Evie won't even be affected, considering the FXS hits boys typically harder than it does girls.  Or she could be severely affected; we have no way of knowing, and it's not like we can take steps to prevent or alter its manifestation.  We haven't failed, so why worry?  In this regard, the only way we can fail as parents is if we live in denial of the help that these kids will need.

I suppose in that regard, we can hope, but it'd also be unrealistic to let that dictate our actions rather than proactively taking the necessary steps to get the kids the assistance they need.  We could either hope that Henry and Evie reach developmental milestones, or we can continue to take them to MISD's Early On program to get the physical and occupational therapies, the specialized instruction, and guidance for them.

So we're down to one income.  But that's okay because I spent the bulk of 2013 preparing for it.  I switched our household finance & budget system from the Excel system that I'd used for close to 20 years to a more formalized software system that filled a significant gap that I didn't realize needed filling: how to budget.  Previously, I spent up every spare dollar we had, but also failed to account for several budget accounts.  That was why our income always seemed insufficient to meet our needs, even though our combined household income was just shy of six figures.

By comparison, we should've been swimming in money.  But we weren't because I wasn't budgeting correctly.  2013 was instead the year I got a cold wake-up call with regard to budgeting, and after admitting my error (which in and of itself was hard, considering my stratospheric degree of pride), I made that course correction which put us on a more comfortable path to reducing our income.

My mother's in good health and she's been a tremendous help in the family.  Lori's on the path to physical recovery from Evie's birth.  I ran three half marathons, one of which was a new personal record.

I'm still employed, got good grades in each of my classes, and we even paid off Lori's car (about 3½ years early).  2013 was pretty darn good, and 2014 is shaping up to be a good one as well.  I could moan about the amount of time, effort, and money it took to renovate the upstairs bathroom in December but the end result was a product of me doing it myself.  And a takeaway from that is that I learned how to lay tile and do a better job installing and patching drywall.

2014 started off with a leaking dishwasher and burned out sump pump....but I ordered a new dishwasher with cash, and replaced the sump pump myself.  I could have moaned about the cost of the dishwasher, or congratulated myself on managing our finances to the point where we can buy a major appliance with cash.

I don't own any of the 2014 NHL Winter Classic jerseys....but we're getting a new dishwasher.

So it's all perspective.