Tuesday, April 29, 2014
Two Minutes
Two minutes of Evie and me wandering around in her carrier while she tests out her face and her voice.
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
Knew It Was Coming, But...
...it doesn't make it any easier to hear confirmation.
I have to admit that I've been deluding myself. Deluding myself into thinking that Evie would be okay, that she'd beat the genetic odds and have nothing to worry about...maybe a bit of shyness and difficulty in math, but otherwise totally typical and average.
She went for an evaluation today, and the analysis was that, at five months old, she's at about three months in cognitive and physical development. That was a bit of a gut punch, I have to admit. I was really, really hoping that it would come back with a near-dismissive "pheh, she's FINE! Why are you even here?!"
I really wanted to hear that (I wasn't there personally; I only got the message afterwards).
The optimistic view would be to fall back on the "all children develop at their own pace" cliche. But we lived through that with Henry already. And denial can be a powerful defense mechanism to protect oneself against news one doesn't want to accept or acknowledge. Henry needed help and he's getting it, but it's a slow battle and it certainly hasn't been easy by any stretch of the imagination.
The prospect of repeating it with Evie seems daunting right now. It was that reason that made me wish and hope that Evie would be the one we didn't have to worry about.
But then that brings on another issue in that if Evie was the one we didn't have to worry about, would we inadvertently neglect her in favor of caring for Henry so much? I often find myself getting hauled off by the boy in his next quest to ramble face first through the kitchen and front room, while Evie lays by herself on the floor or in her bouncer seat.
There are times when two of us adults are wrangling Henry while the third is preparing dinner....and Evie is left alone. And I feel a crushing guilt when I see that. I think that may be a contributing reason to why I've gotten so attached to the carrier harness thing that I stick her in so that we can walk around together while my hands remain free (I've eaten sandwiches above her head while wearing it...I used a plate!). Henry complained quickly when he was put in it, so I only used it once with him. Evie doesn't complain so she goes in it as often as possible.
And of course, then comes the snowball effect of "if I start paying more attention to her now, is it because of equity or because she needs the extra care now as well?" and round and round I go in my head in a self-defeating circle of rhetoric.
So, Evie's therapy sessions begin next week and like Henry's, they'll go up to the end of the school year. I won't get to see her awake today because it's nearly the end of this winter semester for me. The guys in my group project wanted to meet early before class to finalize our presentation, so I'm off to school without stopping at home. That makes me sad, but it's all for the greater good, right? All to improve my future employment prospects and chances, right?
I have to admit that I've been deluding myself. Deluding myself into thinking that Evie would be okay, that she'd beat the genetic odds and have nothing to worry about...maybe a bit of shyness and difficulty in math, but otherwise totally typical and average.
She went for an evaluation today, and the analysis was that, at five months old, she's at about three months in cognitive and physical development. That was a bit of a gut punch, I have to admit. I was really, really hoping that it would come back with a near-dismissive "pheh, she's FINE! Why are you even here?!"
I really wanted to hear that (I wasn't there personally; I only got the message afterwards).
The optimistic view would be to fall back on the "all children develop at their own pace" cliche. But we lived through that with Henry already. And denial can be a powerful defense mechanism to protect oneself against news one doesn't want to accept or acknowledge. Henry needed help and he's getting it, but it's a slow battle and it certainly hasn't been easy by any stretch of the imagination.
The prospect of repeating it with Evie seems daunting right now. It was that reason that made me wish and hope that Evie would be the one we didn't have to worry about.
But then that brings on another issue in that if Evie was the one we didn't have to worry about, would we inadvertently neglect her in favor of caring for Henry so much? I often find myself getting hauled off by the boy in his next quest to ramble face first through the kitchen and front room, while Evie lays by herself on the floor or in her bouncer seat.
There are times when two of us adults are wrangling Henry while the third is preparing dinner....and Evie is left alone. And I feel a crushing guilt when I see that. I think that may be a contributing reason to why I've gotten so attached to the carrier harness thing that I stick her in so that we can walk around together while my hands remain free (I've eaten sandwiches above her head while wearing it...I used a plate!). Henry complained quickly when he was put in it, so I only used it once with him. Evie doesn't complain so she goes in it as often as possible.
And of course, then comes the snowball effect of "if I start paying more attention to her now, is it because of equity or because she needs the extra care now as well?" and round and round I go in my head in a self-defeating circle of rhetoric.
So, Evie's therapy sessions begin next week and like Henry's, they'll go up to the end of the school year. I won't get to see her awake today because it's nearly the end of this winter semester for me. The guys in my group project wanted to meet early before class to finalize our presentation, so I'm off to school without stopping at home. That makes me sad, but it's all for the greater good, right? All to improve my future employment prospects and chances, right?
Thursday, April 3, 2014
Quick Drops
Not a long, poignant novella this time. Just a few quick hits.
Last weekend, Lori and I took the kids out to Somerset Collection just to get out of the house for a bit. Evie ended up falling asleep in her car seat, and Henry did well in the different environment.
While Lori and I stopped briefly for a late lunch, we gave Henry some small pieces of chicken from Lori's order. And to our great surprise and delight, he didn't choke or gag on any of them. He actually ate Real Food!
When it was time to leave, I had him stand on his own while I put his jacket on him. Lori began walking away with the stroller, and Henry, instead of raising his arms to be picked up, started toddling off after her. Not just that, but walking without holding my hand. Lori kept looking at his reflection in the store windows and there he was, just following behind her while I walked behind him to catch him if he stumbled.
We tried to put him back in the stroller when we got to the exit, but he wanted to keep being held. So I indulged him there, but we gave him lots of hugs and praise.
Yesterday was some more tummy time for Evie. She actually managed to stay in that position for about 3 minutes before she started complaining. Not just that, but she did her best to lift her head to look ahead of her. Still no "mini push-ups" yet, though.
Last weekend, Lori and I took the kids out to Somerset Collection just to get out of the house for a bit. Evie ended up falling asleep in her car seat, and Henry did well in the different environment.
While Lori and I stopped briefly for a late lunch, we gave Henry some small pieces of chicken from Lori's order. And to our great surprise and delight, he didn't choke or gag on any of them. He actually ate Real Food!
When it was time to leave, I had him stand on his own while I put his jacket on him. Lori began walking away with the stroller, and Henry, instead of raising his arms to be picked up, started toddling off after her. Not just that, but walking without holding my hand. Lori kept looking at his reflection in the store windows and there he was, just following behind her while I walked behind him to catch him if he stumbled.
We tried to put him back in the stroller when we got to the exit, but he wanted to keep being held. So I indulged him there, but we gave him lots of hugs and praise.
Yesterday was some more tummy time for Evie. She actually managed to stay in that position for about 3 minutes before she started complaining. Not just that, but she did her best to lift her head to look ahead of her. Still no "mini push-ups" yet, though.
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